:: why mk's fall away ::

It's not about missionary kids. It's not even about "ministry kids" in general; it's the principle of hardened hearts.

Missionary kids say they don't know who they are. They want an identity. They don't want anyone to tell them who they are or what they're supposed to do.

That's the problem. That's exactly what Christ does, what Christianity is: Jesus wants to take over our lives. He wants us to be completely different than we were when we faced our sin and accepted His payment. He wants to be our guide, the one who teaches us how to live. And that's the last thing an MK wants. If they don't accept Christ's lordship, don't believe He ought to rule, then their entire lives are lived under the dictatorship of Christ - rules of the Bible imposed by godly parents.

Year after year, their hearts harden. If they are not yielded, they rebel against this authority who wants to take their lives. They hate the rules, hate the idea of losing themselves, hate God.

And we watch and say - "they have fallen away." No, they just finally got to make their choice.

:: me ::

I like big rainstorms and lightning bolts.
I like tall trees that make me feel small,
And when I stand by the ocean I know I am
just one mortal in a temporary world.
I write when I'm thinking, sing when I'm happy,
and play piano when I'm sad.

:: to liana, in my blindness ::

What? I couldnt' hear that. You didn't say

Anything. Death? I don't hear that.

You don't mean

Anything. So I believe your plastic smile.

I understand your lies -- they're so

Much like my truth. I'm glad we

Understand eachother.

:: thinking ::

Well, it's the second day of my last semester of college. So many things have changed over the last four years that it's impossible to imagine what the coming four will hold. Even more changes, I'm sure, and challenges as well. I guess that's what they call living. There are no dress rehearsals in life, just the real thing, and I'm living one of the scenes right now. Is it one I'd want to include in the final cut? If someone were following me around all day, what would they think?

What does she write in that little red journal?

Why does she have three blankets on her bed but sleeps instead under a different one on top of them all?

Why does she look at everyone during chapel?

What is she hoping for when she smiles at nothing?

Ah, Mandy... enough dreaming for a day. It's time to sleep.