5.22.2006

:: how i feel today ::

In 11th grade my dorm mom was trying to help me with my attitude towards rules. She had me memorize this verse about how God hems us in, before and behind. I think it's in the Psalms. Anyway, she wanted me to know that God has rules to protect me, that in my best interest there are fences.

I don't think I believed her.

So now I'm 24 and someone just told me about a few rules, things like "one week of vacation after a year." Everything in me felt suddenly constricted. Why do they have to present it like that? I mean, can't you tell people that they get 16 hours of vacation every day, and even more on the weekend? I know it's silly, that really I am silly, and my life on paper right now has many more restrictions than the one I'm about to walk into.

But I think something I worry is that it's my sin nature making me feel this way. If God really does want me to like rules and feel protected by them, why do I want to run when someone picks up the leash? Our dog April used to get her leash for us when it was time for her walk because she knew that was the only way she was getting out of the yard. Maybe I should be more like April. Maybe rules really are good. Maybe I should go find that verse again.

I'm tired.

2 Comments:

Blogger Digs said...

You know, it's almost a taste of freedom to read that it's our "sin nature" causing us to feel fired up inside. I'm such a stubborn, cranky person inside when I'm told about rules and boundaries, or restricted from carrying on in my spirited ways... I feel offended and hurt and resentful all in the same breath. This is something I need freedom in... desperately. Thank you, Mandy, for being so gracious in revealing to me something I needed to hear (in a loving perspective rather than a legalistic one).

8:46 PM  
Blogger Red Riding Hood said...

i had a dog named april too!

11:03 AM  

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